Emeridan

hi i know i don't post much here as i find this site a bit stressful but i'm running really low on the main medications i need. i haven't really gone into it all here but i suffer with a lotta chronic pain conditions that have me in pain all day every day (details are rotator cuff tear, fibromyalgia, tendonitis, chronic headaches and hypermobile wrists).

i'm really at the point that anything is a help, here's my links

commissions

adopts

ko-fi

this is a repost off my tumblr page, i'd suggest you follow me there because that's where i post currently along with the fact my art is actually included (i'm also on instagram) - but this profile is still up and i'm not staying silent with this.

i mention pretty frequently in posts that i’m in pain, my hands acting up or i sometimes disappear for days, or sometimes for months. while some of that is down to some other arm trauma - a lot of problems stem from the fact i suffer from fibromyalgia.

it’s basically a bitch and has been kicking my ass since i was 15, though the diagnosis was only - finally might i add - given a few years ago. it’s been a very difficult thing to deal with, and for a long time people were on the side that i was faking to get out of school, i wasn’t that ill because i wasn’t physically throwing my guts up even if i physically felt like i had been rag dolled by a truck. i still have people who have random quick fix ideas that will totally cure or improve my life with it despite the fact there is no actual consideration given to the fact i have it and often can’t do things because i’m in so much pain. i’ve frequently had bursts of it affect me when i was working (as in the cloud was so thick in multiple days i forgot what i was looking for by the time i’d gotten to the shelf), in conversations where i’ve lost my place or had things i’ve had to avoid doing because everything had become too excruciating and i needed to sit down.

the fibromyalgia colour is purple, so i’ve chosen some of my work with purples as my work for this. my work defines me, not this condition. it affects me daily, every minute of every day is effected by what it does to me. i have periods where i can’t draw, i have times where i don’t want to because it’ll end up hurting. i’m not the same person i was before it started, i’ll never be someone who doesn’t have to deal with it because there is no cure - only management. to be honest i’m not the happiest at where i am because i do feel i could’ve done better, but i’m alright with that. i do want to be other people at times, being pain free and being able to draw as much as i want is top of the list on wishes for me. but i’m not a child who blows out wishes on dandelions or has someone magical who will make them come true. it won’t, i’ll have this for the rest of my life and while i hate it, i’m just happy i know what it actually is.

you don’t need to go on forever without knowing, you shouldn’t need force yourself because someone doesn’t get it. fibromyalgia is serious, it’s lifelong, it hurts like a bitch and you’re not weak or lesser just because someone doesn’t get it and thinks you’re being lazy. you shouldn’t be afraid to say you can’t do something because you hurt so badly with no visible signs. i know we have points where we’re forced, where we have no choice, where we need to push ourselves to get further, but the stigma against conidiations like fibromyalgia are ridiculous.

i’m posting this because it’s may 12th and that’s our awareness day, it’s when people who know will pass a thought to it. despite the reality that every single fucking day in my life is going to be fibromyalgia awareness day in some form or another because it never stops, i’m not going to smile and pretend nothings wrong. something is wrong but at least i know what it is.

hey so, i’m not comfortable reopening commissions as my arm is pretty finicky at the best of times right now and i don’t feel like i can get much done with a decent standard. i lost my job at the beginning of the year and i’m not able to get a new one as of the moment so boosting this or one of the adopts would be helpful.

i’ve got fantroll adopts on my fantroll blog, they’re either $10 or under but i’m willing to go lower if the price isn’t alright for you. i’m fine with drawing an extra speedpaint of them if you want one, which would look something like this

which will be $20 extra.

i can also do quicker slightly custom adopts for $9 based off a plant or animal, which will be along the lines of this

as i said if you’re unable to purchase anything please can  you boost this, anything helps.

this is pretty overdue but i haven't really been able to keep up with art because my arms been so shitty this year.

basically while i'm still on call for my job i've lost all of my permanent shifts and during the current crisis it's impossible for me to grab one now. normally commissions are a go to because they're things i tend to enjoy but my arms been fucked up and i can't work properly. quick speedpaints are about it.

SO with those quick speedpaints i'm designing a few adopt fantrolls, i get irritated with deviantart lately so they're all viewable on either my fantroll tumblr or my instagram. if you like any of the designs there you can either note me here or message one of the two blogs listed for purchase. all of them at this moment are $10 each, i don't have a plan set for increasing right now, but it's possible if i can't take the work load.

i understand if you can't afford them/don't like them, but if possible could you boost this as it's getting harder to get medcine i need on a daily basis atm

i posted this on my art blog, here it is in it's entirety because i'm fucking fed up.

to a degree i didn’t feel like posting this as an elaboration on my earlier shit on my blog along with the post about some really shitty ideas people writing/working on the continuation of homestuck have pushed forward but i’m fucking tired and i’m fucking done with this shit. anything that comes outta HS2 and pesterquest can suck the inside of a toilet bowl. it’s bullshit. i don’t care at all. it has zero reflection on what i’ll do when i get back into doing stuff again, i don’t wanna hear it and frankly - it’s no better than some low grade fanfic to me.

i don’t give a shit how you feel on characters in homestuck, like them, hate them, wanna push them off a cliff or what fucking ever - that’s your choice. i’m sorry that i was a volatile person in the past when i had people push their favorites on my posts when i was complaining about stuff that had happened in the comic, it was bullshit of me and i really do feel like shit over it. HOWEVER my general opinion on don’t fucking push your shit onto me applies still. if i draw a character you don’t like but you like the art - don’t tag that shit on my art. point blank. i’m opinionated on favorites myself, i’m bitter about fandom treatment (if you’ve been following me long enough you’ll remember gamzee week which was in response to being sent the hopes i’d kill myself and literal gore of an infant) and i really get heated seeing people act as if liking a character or disliking them makes you a bad person or a literal saint because you said they were in the right over whatever action. i’ve pretty much bolted from my main blog and don’t give a shit anymore but my opinions re homestuck are still there. they haven’t changed. but that’s just me. i’m just creating my content under my name, i’m not official, my stuff isn’t pushed under THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS NOW.

when you’re doing “canon” content - you shouldn’t be force feeding your bullshit opinions down fans throats. pesterquest as far as i originally thought (and booooy did i make a mistake) was meant to be a fun thing that played and explored canon characters a little more. albeit different writers would portray characters differently but that shouldn’t have been a problem. multiple authors should be enjoyable. but it isn’t. it’s made me sick. literally. it’s reminded me of all the shit i’ve had flung at me for liking a character that someone else doesn’t. content pushed out officially shouldn’t be reminding me of having a dead, bloodied infant sent into my inbox with “kill yourself clownfucker :o)” written on it, it shouldn’t be validating those weird people who think liking a character over another makes you a good or bad person. it shouldn’t be fueling one answer to a major question mark in canon and pushing that version of a thing when there are countless other versions. you shouldn’t be telling me one morally grey character is better than another. it’s not entertaining. canon did that enough as it is and frankly, it was pretty lame.

msparp has addressed what’i’m getting at in the past. i’m not the only person whose been vocal about this. i don’t want fucking politics of whose fans are treated worse now, this is a personal point. my point is that this shit has happened - it’s been addressed there, and it’s a fucking problem in the fandom that i’ve yet to see any official team member mention. no one has ever put their foot down and said that was fucked up, all we’ve gotten is a big fuck you because why the fuck not?

pesterquest shouldn’t have given me ultimatums of get back with a bad ex or do drugs. it shouldn’t push do drugs or you’ll kill people. you shouldn’t praise someone over another because you like that character over downright portraying a questionable version in the original comic. it’s gross. it’s not funny, it’s bad writing at best and callous malicious intent towards people who’ve dealt with the shit like i’ve been put through. frankly, i want to know why the fuck it came out that way? what’s the fun in being told how you’re meant to respond to a character? what’s the fucking point in doing that when we’ve all got different opinions.

i’m an addict. it’s not fun, it’s not quirky and i don’t like seeing a problem being used as a cheap punchline. i don’t like seeing addiction is fun lol as a writing point, it’s lazy. it’s cheap 4chan humor and why the fuck would i want that from something i enjoy? yes the sopor addiction in the comic wasn’t played out as fully as it could have been and i liked that. it gave me something i could use to relate to a character i really enjoy. there was edgy lol 420 weed jokes in it but overwhelmingly there was more to gamzee’s arc than a simple do drugs or be a murder machine. three endings limits how much you can do with a character but that writing was pure laziness. you can find it fitting if you want, you can agree with that version if you want, i’m not saying you can’t. what i am saying is it’s cheap. it’s cruel and callous to gamzee fans who’ve been sent downright horrible things, things that are methods of torture instead of actual discourse.

this isn’t a post about if he’s innocent or not. i’ve argued that point before and i don’t give half a shit about doing it again. what i am saying is vilifying characters over others and flipping the bird at people who’ve been sent horrible disgusting things because they like a fucking character is pretty fucking shitty. don’t praise one bad character over another bad character - it’s disgusting and should have been thought out but it fucking wasn’t and i’m sick of being spat at and just remaining quiet about it.

you can dislike characters all you fucking want and it has no reflection of you, pissing on people who like a character to the extremes that gamzee fans have dealt with because you like different characters doesn’t objectively make you a bad person either (unless you’re the cunt who sent gore and threats, in that case you’re a fucking piece of shit), it just makes you look like an asshole, but being a writer on top of that, bullshitting addiction issues and in general treating a sensitive issue by throwing it down the stairs makes you someone whose writing is no better than a key smash fanfic and someone whose work i’d rather use as toilet paper. 

quite frankly, fuck pesterquest. fuck HS2. fuck the epilogues. you’re pushing a notion that that fandom abuse was okay because you only want that version of a character and it’s disgusting. you’re not leaving room for question marks, you’re literally forcing your opinion down our throats. that’s not entertaining in the slightest. it’s fucking raw chicken that’s been dragged through dirt being served for dinner and i’m not fucking keeping quiet and pretending that’s a decent choice. it’s gross. fucking think before you do this shit when you’re in the elevated position you’re fucking in.